


this is what dating gets you

by Desolate_Smog



Series: small fics for the soul (writer's month 2020) [7]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders Are Twins, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders is a Little Shit, Dick Pics, Fake/Pretend Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-12
Updated: 2020-08-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:33:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25856692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Desolate_Smog/pseuds/Desolate_Smog
Summary: Virgil's friends suck (but not as much as strangers do)Writer's Month 2020, Day 12 - meet cute
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil/Creativity | Roman/Logic | Logan/Morality | Patton, Logic | Logan Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders
Series: small fics for the soul (writer's month 2020) [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1859371
Comments: 2
Kudos: 42
Collections: Writer's Month 2020





	this is what dating gets you

Virgil Sanders was well acquainted with fanfiction. He had his fandoms (Steven Universe, various anime’s), favourite tropes (enemies to friends to lovers) and his least favourite tropes (fake dating). His OTP’s (Garnet, various assorted) and his NOTP’s (any pairing involving Voldemort, in particular; who deserved to die lonely).

And, as a fanfiction aficionado, Virgil knew his night had taken a turn for the worst.

Namely, there was a woman hitting on him.

As a gay man, Virgil found this very uncomfortable indeed.

Not to mention that he was here alone, having been bailed on by his date for the night. (Bastard. Virgil didn’t know why he agreed; the date had been set up by his smarmy frienemy Dee—a man who willingly endorsed people calling him _Deceit_. Virgil wouldn’t have put it past Dee to have set him up just to get him out of the house. Virgil should’ve known better than to trust a man who dressed exclusively in yellow.)

The woman could not take any hints. Virgil had tried everything—he put headphones in and ignored her. Honestly, he couldn’t figure out why she was still there.

It was getting to the point where Virgil was considering talking to her, that’s how desperate he was becoming.

Both Deceit and Remus had numerous lines of texts telling them he hated them, that his soul was being crushed, and that if they didn’t come rescue him he was going to kill them. (Dee left him on read, and Remus sent a dick pic for every text Virgil sent. Virgil was disappointingly used to this.)

Virgil was pulled out of his anxious texting by the lady putting a hand on his arm.

Warning sirens blared in his head—abort, abort—but the woman remained oblivious, as was her modus operandi. Virgil stared at the hand with mounting distress.

Without thinking (which Virgil did with an unfortunate amount of regularity) he dropped his phone in front of him (also unfortunately open to his conversation with Remus) and reached blindly for the person on his other side and pulled them into his conversation.

“Sorry, Lady, but I’m happily dating.”

Virgil’s taste in fanfiction sighed with disappointment and distaste.

Virgil’s new datemate was (fortunately) masculine presenting. They looked soft, yet had biceps worthy of a cult following.

“Oh, um,” Virgil’s datemate said.

Virgil took this time to realise that his datemate was holding the hand of another masculine presenting person.

Remus sent him another dick pic.

“Yes,” Virgil said, working hard at digging his grave, “We’re very much in love. Please, piss off.”

“Your... boyfriend seems to already have a boyfriend.” The lady said blandly. She smirked and rubbed a finger along Virgil's arm (meltdown sirens echoed through his head.) "Besides, they've been sitting here for a while and none of you have said anything to one another."

“Yes, that would be Steve. Y’know, you and me and your friend Steve, or however the song goes. ” Virgil decided to stop hanging out with Dee. “I had asked to be left alone for a second, but you're making that impossible.”

“Salutations,” ‘Steve’ said, eyes flicking between Virgil and their actual date.

“You get a lot of dick pics or a guy with two boyfriends.” She said.

“Yes, two,” Virgil said as if he had more than two boyfriends when in actuality he had negative point five (-0.5) amounts of boyfriends. After all, he had zero earlier today, then Deceit told him that he had a date lined up for him and that Virgil had to attend (which brought him up to 0.5), but then the date ditched. Hence -0.5.

“I’m here, I couldn’t find a park—“

Virgil looked up to see possibly the worst person in the world. Roman Castillo, Remus’ theatrically inclined twin.

Vigil did the sensible thing and flicked the screen off on his phone. No sibling needed to see their brother’s penis. Remus had said that “sending dick pics to your brother is weird, Virgil, what are you, messed up in the head?” as if sending dick pics was a reasonable thing to do to everybody else in his phone contacts.

“Virgil?” Roman questioned, looking between him and the two people Virgil had tried to use to escape his situation with. Perhaps these two were the famed Logan and Patton?

It didn’t matter in the long run.

Virgil decided to do the stupid thing. “Ah, Roman. We were wondering when our other boyfriend would show up.”

Virgil’s grave had to be deeper than regulations require. He needed the deepest grave.

His only saving grace was that he knew Roman was an actor. Maybe he could make the lady let go of him?

“But of course, my dark stormy knight! How could I leave the three loves of my life here alone?”

Virgil could have kissed him if it wouldn’t have reminded him of kissing Remus. (Something better left forgotten.)

“Oh,” the lady muttered. “You actually know him?”

“Of course!” Virgil’s original datemate said happily. “This is our sweet baby emo. Our little ray of darkness. Our bruise—“

‘Steve’ thankfully interrupted. “Patton. What are you talking about? Virgil looks nothing like a bruise.”

“Well sure he does, Lo—Steve! He’s all purple and black—“

“Yeah, so,” Virgil stared at the lady’s hand with a force that should have set it on fire. “If you’d go away that would be great.”

Bless the Lord on high, the lady finally let go. The sweet release; Virgil almost collapsed with relief.

“Farewell,” Roman smiled wide, quite obviously refraining from making an unfortunate comment. This restraint was barely seen in the Castillo twins, and one of the main differences between them. Remus was physically incapable of keeping things to himself.

The lady gave Virgil one last wistful look before she walked away.

Virgil slumped himself over the table in front of him, his skeletal structure giving way.

“It’s always nice to meet a friend of Roman’s!” Patton said.

“Ha!” Roman rolled his eyes. “This is the Panic to Remus’ Pain.”

“So original,” Virgil complained.

“It’s nice to meet you all the same,” Logan said, holding a hand out for Virgil to shake.

Virgil remained sprawled, but shook Logan’s hand. “Same, I think.”

“I’m Patton! This is Logan! We’re Roman’s best friends,” Patton gestured as he spoke. “It’s good to know Remus has friends.”

Virgil didn’t know whether to be offended on Remus’ behalf or also surprised that he was one of Remus’ friends. From the look on Roman’s face, he was having the same mental dilemma.

“Uh, yeah,” Virgil confirmed after the silence extended between the four of them.

Virgil’s saviour from the awkward situation was another dick pic from Remus. (The dick in question was not Remus’, and the fact that Virgil could recognise that from a split second of looking at his phone never failed to fill him with despair. Virgil did not want to know who this particular dick belonged to.)

“Oh, looks like I’ve got to go,” Virgil said. “Bummer, a terrible tragedy, I really wanted to continue to get to know you guys—“

Patton’s face was red. “That was a... _sext. _”  
__

__“Uh.” It really wasn’t but that was a good enough excuse. “Yeah. So. Bye.”  
_ _

__Virgil pushed out of the chair and slunk out of the room like the socially inept person he was.  
_ _

__“Bye Virgil!”  
_ _

__Virgil waved over his shoulder.  
_ _

__Tonight may have been terrible, but at least he avoided living out his least favourite fanfiction trope. He was going to go home and hide under his covers while he analysed everything he’d said tonight. It would be a better use of his time than the train wreck that had happened tonight.  
_ _

__He pulled out his phone and took a photo of himself giving the bird to the camera and sent it to Remus.  
_ _

__Hopefully this day could be forgotten with some well placed repression._ _

**Author's Note:**

> I don't actually know what a meet cute is,,,  
>  ~~but I'm pretty sure this isn't it ~~~~~~


End file.
